Always Love

It has been so long since i last posted here so excuse the grammatical errors and excessive words… i wish sometimes there was a way to figure out prior to acting on things whether one decision was “more right” than the other. I just want to pay someone to think for me sometimes… ”hey go get me a candy bar and pick me out something good!” 

Right now for example. That would be amazing… and then perhaps i wouldn’t be so fucking confused. Not because i am lazy but rather that i am so terrified of making the wrong decision and the outcome. 

someone think for me?

On another note i have soo much fucking christmas shopping to do!!!!!!!!!!!! :( ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- booooooooooooooooooooooo!

The way i feel lately…full of overwhelming thoughts and unable to sort through them so rather than breaking down at the mere thought of them piling up, i just push them to the back of my mind, tuck them away on a shelf and feel nothing. unfortunately when that doesn’t work i feel everything, overwhelmed,anxious,tired,stressed…etc. I want to be back to myself… but i don’t know where i am at the moment i am stuck somewhere in between my thoughts and reality wandering around…i need to get away.

I’ve felt so torn lately… i’m not sure whether or not to write to you or if i should just forget about you all together… but it’s so hard to do that and i find myself confused when i begin to (as to what i should say)

I’ve played it over in my head a few times and wrote and rewritten to you several times however i’ve yet to actually send one in the mail…

I asked my mom to find me the mailing address tonight so that’s one step closer to contacting you…I guess i just want to bury the “curiousity” that has always lingered in the back of my mind and to have a better understanding of things i always knew it would be difficult, i just never knew it would feel so strange writing it.  

I have to go to sleep… stupid fucking morning opening shifts. :/ agh